Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
