I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
