If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Two words: blizzard sex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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