we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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