So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
