you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.