halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
