Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
