he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
