well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
