I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Come on in and take your pants off
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