are you still at the devil's house?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
