TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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