dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
