Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
