i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
