mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
