If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize