I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
