fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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