Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont even know how to be here
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
