you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
