I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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