my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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