don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
