YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and she was petting her beer can
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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