When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
