Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
