chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
