I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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