Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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