he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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