Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
