She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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