A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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