So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All the doctor said was why
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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