Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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