Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
