I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
