weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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