gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
