she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
