my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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