I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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