also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
