My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
