: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone came in the potted fern
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
