I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
