wanna go halves on a baby?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
