woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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