You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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