Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
