I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
