sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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