The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
