My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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