9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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