biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
