Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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