update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
