I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
