elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
