i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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