I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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