i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
