UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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