what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
