I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
