Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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