He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
