So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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