So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
