ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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