tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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