I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
