Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
