do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
