Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
