At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
