I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
