You smell like stripper and shame
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
