I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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