then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My penis needs a shock collar
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
