It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
