OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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