i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
